Afraid of Being Myself

Never thought I was afraid of being myself but I have realized that wasn’t the case. I always had this facade that I didn’t really care what other people thought. But I was fooling myself, I really did take what people said and let it affect me. Especially those closest to me. Maybe I thought that agreeing with them would make them love me more? What total bullshit. I was just lying to myself.

Now I get a new beginning where I can be true to myself and disregard what anybody else thinks. Now I can better understand that I have things that I’m passionate about and it might not always coincide with somebody who is my friend... tough, that is who I am.

Current Mood: drunk
Current Music: Aimee Mann - Say Anything

Christianity.. Fan-fraking-tasic

When Love Ends

When its over there is sorrow and pain
Just like a torrential rain
When its over are the memories of all the exquisite moments
Like drops on the roof they fade away
I took a risk, put my heart out there alive and without regrets
Right now I'm disquiet and want to scream from the minarets
Where is my fortress when I need to be safe
I feel like my heart is ugly and chafes
I know this pain will pass
Right now it feels like looking down the wrong end of a spy glass

Attacked by a diabetic drunk this evening

Was innocently going to safeway this evening. Got out of my truck and walked towards the entrance. Half way to the doors, a older man approaches me and says, "I'm a diabetic and I don't feel so well. I tried to call my wife on my cell phone but she didn't answer. Could you spare a couple of dollars so I can call a cab?" At the same moment a text message arrived on my cell phone and I'll pulled it out of my pocket to glance at it. I tell him, "Sorry guy.. I don't have any money on me." He suddenly turns angry and growls at me, "You're such a liar. I need help you fucker!" He then swings at me and I try to duck out of the way but he hits me in my hand. Unfortunately I'm still holding my cell phone in my hand and it goes flying. I hear it hit the front store window, then ricochet off and hit the ground. It breaks into about 4 pieces. I instinctively yell, "What the fuck!!" Meanwhile there is a seattle police car also sitting in the far end of the parking lot. I guess he saw the altercation and pulls the car up to the front of the safeway. He gets out and tells the old man to "put his hands on the car now!" After the man complies, he handcuffs the guy. All the time man is muttering, "I don't feel well, I'm a diabetic." The cop finally asks me, "Are you alright?" I say, "I'm fine, only got my hand slapped." After getting my bearings, I decided he didn't do any permanent damage. Cop tells the man he is under arrest and informs him of his miranda rights. The old man repeats his protest of being diabetic and needing help. The officer then repeats "do you understand these rights?" The guy looks up and nods. The officer then opens the door of the squad car and puts the old man in the back seat. He tells the guy to "hang tight" and closes the door. He asks me to recount the incident and I tell him about the guy asking for money & then knocking my cell phone out of my hands. I told him that the only thing hurt was my poor cell phone and I bend down to pick up the pieces. He asks if I want to press charges and I tell him, "I don't think so." He tells me that he will charge him with disorderly conduct and he will get to spend a night in jail. He takes down my information and tells me that another officer will probably be in touch to follow up. I was a bit too shaken up to go into safeway and drove a few blocks back home.

So now I'm enjoying a turkey sandwich and a glass of strawberry-kiwi snapple mixed with bacardi to calm my nerves. Holy crap what a evening. Not something that normally happens around here. Still a bit freaked out.

Current Mood: relaxing w/ rum
Current Music: Dream Theater - Pull me under

Keep Left

Bookshelf Project

Spent part of Saturday and Sunday staining a bookcase that I bought at Ballard Bookcase Company. I like to work on projects and this one was fun to do.

First thing was to put on some clothes that I could get stained:


With trusty brush in hand I was ready to start sanding to rough up the surface and remove some slight discoloration I noticed on the top.

Then there was some pre-staining prep for soft woods like pine. The bookcase is make of a soft white pine and should be prepped with the wood conditioner. But first a light sanding with 150 grit sandpaper to even out the color on top. The square on top was caused by the sign that displayed the price on top of the bookcase.

The wood conditioner is pretty strong smelling stuff, I was getting a pretty good contact high. Couldn’t imagine using this stuff indoors.

Shelves are pretty tricky because you have to hold them carefully while applying the wood conditioner. Also not very much fun to get a strong acrid substance on your shirt or legs.



Now on to the stain. I really like this color. A nice deep rich mahogany stain & polyurethane finish. Can’t wait to get a few more coats on to even out the color. I’ll put a final picture up once it is done. Each coat takes about 8 hours to cure.